New Year, New Me!

Corny enough? Good.

As we ease into 2022, I can't help but to think about how different things are. Not just from this time last year, but from where I thought I would be now. Interesting enough, it wasn't until last night began to sound as if I had moved into a warzone that I realized I wasn't even home in STL when 2021 rolled in, I was at a club in Houston. I was there for a wedding with an (now) ex who I thought was on the same page with me in that the trip was our last hurrah, and the relationship had run its course. Plans of us living together in October, of me having his future daughter, hell, of going brunch the following week, all gone. I didn't learn til we landed on the 4th that he didn't think I meant what I said and would not have gone if he knew I really was done. Where do I keep finding cats like this? Oh right, the Kingdom Hall...I forgot to mention that he was a POMI* serial disfellowshippee**(yes I made it up, but those with JW background know what I mean. Those who do not, see the footnote).😬😩

Anywho, instead of being in a committed, monogamous relationship, I spent 2021 finding myself as well as several men who were okay with spending time with me and not requiring that I be shackled to them or given a title to reap the benefits of good male company. That energy is being carried right on into 2022, and perhaps indefinitely, but I will keep you posted. Something else happened that's of actual relevance to you as a reader...I got my writing mojo back!🤸🏾‍♀️🎊 Back in the day, I wrote alllll the time. I won contests in school and started a novel in high school that my friends swore could have been on shelves had I kept going. And if 17 year old girls liked, it had to be A1 right?

When I first got married, my ex-husband read one of my private journals while I was at my second job and then was upset about the private thoughts I expressed. The same guy that I had written a poem for months prior was soon suspicious and moody any time he saw a pen and pad in my hand. Without even realizing it...I stopped writing. Two years down the line I got close with folks who frequented the STL poetry scene (in my opinion some of the best talent in the nation) and I started writing again...and like deja vu, the hubby's behavioral shift happened again. And what did I do? Yep. Predictable as a Lifetime movie, I stopped. Again.

And I know what you're thinking..."Stupid lady, you could've typed on a password-protected PC or left and written elsewhere", but it's not that simple. I was reading and writing before I even went to Kindergarten (shout out to my amazing mom), having a writing utensil in hand was part of the comfort that came with spilling words across a page. Leave the place where I'm supposed to feel most comfortable to write and find comfort? Eh. And type my thoughts?! Like, not write them and then type it up later, but you mean from my head right to the screen? Sigh. Again a foreign feeling. But in this day in age, who am I benefiting by writing out things first that I know will need to be added to the interwebs or online article later? Growth is essential. It is necessary. And it's HAPPENING!!!

It was a struggle getting my first few posts out, lots of starting and stopping, but THIS whole blog post right now...fresh off the dome y'all!!!! One session! Check me out! 💻😁 SN: I heard tooooo many talks about humility while in the organization to even attempt to hold on to any of it now that I'm out. Y'all gon get this confidence, so take it in, embrace it, channel it, and share it with your peeps. In the meantime, I have a lot of stories started from those same ideas I fleshed out over a year ago. I'll be back soon...for real this time. But I understand if you have trust issues.

Footnote:

*POMI - Physically Out, Mentally In. An inactive Jehovah's Witness that still believes in the principles/religion.

**When representatives of the organization decide that you should be shunned, you are "disfellowshipped" per their internal terminology. Essentially synonymous with shunned. My ex had been shunned and allowed back more than once, so I made up a term too. 😇